Turning 30
As you may know, I’m turning thirty in few months. I have been repeating myself that age is only a number and that, on the 6th April, I will feel exactly the same of the day before, since a number cannot change how I am. However, since 2020 arrived, I have been asking myself if it is really so. The so called “best years of my life” are gone. I feel a kind of pressure, added to the things I already have to plan and reach in the next months. Has this 3 the power to change something in my attitude? Actually it is not the 29 turning into 30 that may scary me a little bit. Life goes on very fast and I feel terribly sorry for the past versions of me who believed in the wrong persons and kept staying in the wrong place even though I knew I didn’t feel well in Carinthia. I cannot live the last six years again, they belong to the past, and they actually made me the woman I am today. Even though I know that comparisons with other people’s lives are not good at all, I feel kind of being late when I see pictures of acquaintances who seem to have a perfect job and a perfect partner. Well, I hope my path will become more and more clear everyday, I actually have no meaning to feel upset. Starting from the beginning again is the possibility to try everything I wish…but I have to keep in mind that I am not 20 anymore, so I do not feel that I am allowed to make many mistakes now. But who can tell us how many mistakes you can do, and when, during your whole life? How do you know if that chance is the right one, or if that job, or person, is good for you? Usually I enjoy taking chances and face new challenges…but this time, with that 3 that comes nearer, I feel I cannot waste other six years.
How did you feel when you turned 30? Please feel free to share your comments and this article, I would really appreciate to discuss this topic with other former twenty-something.
I wrote this article on my blog at the very beginning of January. Well, reading my words thinking about what I was living at that time, makes me feel proud of me. Indeed, at that time I was trying to recover from a relationship with a narcissist, and I felt I was falling into pieces. I was about to end my expat experience in Austria and I hoped that 2020 was my year. Today I can say that I am partially satisfied with my year, but I know, before you say it, the pandemic has occurred. Despite the invisible enemy, I graduated last September and I started dating a nice guy in May, who later became my boyfriend (can’t wait to see him again! Hopefully it will be soon). Even though I did not get any job and I am still looking for it and I still have to live with my parents, I’m trying to stay as positive as possible. Yoga, meditation, reading, writing, keeping updated my Instagram accounts and my blogs, doing some online free courses…what I’ve learnt from this year is, once again, I have to be patient. I’ve also understood that I have to keep going, to focus on my goals, and see the glass half full. My 2020 is not half empty, it is just not as full as I expected, with some of all the goals I had in my mind instead every of them. This provides me even more strength to go on every single day. Of course, I’m turning 31 in four months, and it sounds a little bit scary. I will always feel I lost my best years, my 20s, in the wrong place, but I cannot cary this heavy luggage with me. My luggage is there, I can see him, but it is stored in a safe place where I usually keep my memories: that place is called “experience”. If you’re struggling right now in your life, I hope it helps you to hear (or, in this case, to read) that not everybody has a clear, defined and easy path.
If you have ever had to face hardships, you’re more than welcome to share your experiences below this article, I am always looking forward to reading positive experiences, since I can learn from them.
