Don’t ask. Give.

Have you ever met a person who steadily asks for attention? How have you felt?

I decided to ignore this person.

Difficult times can occur to everyone, and it is perfectly fine to ask for help. I did it as well, but always considering that people have their own life to think about. Friends shared with me their opinion, they consoled me when I felt sad, and I got home or finished the call thinking that things would have changed for the better, one day.

Last year I lived some new and disappointing situations, in which I felt that someone was throwing their own garbage on me, giving me the task to go to the dump and recycle their own rubbish. This year, I stopped doing it. I stopped giving attention to a person who doesn’t manage to handle their own problems and constantly seeks for happiness in other people.

I was asked to give suggestions, so I did it. I saw a person terribly sad, so I did my best to help. I saw a person sabotaging themselves and their relationships, and it was awful.

I wasn’t even listened. The advices I gave were not followed at all, so what I spoke for…? None of the things I did were enough, and every time I talked to this person, I then felt used, without energy, and full of sad emotions. In those moments I knew that the best thing to save my stability was to stop seeing this person, even though I still care about them.

I began to think about a very important concept, and unfortunately I came up with this thought only at 30: When you ask for something, what are you giving?

When you ask for attention to your friends, what are you giving them? How are you treating the person in front of you? Are you complaining all the time that the world is so bad with you? Do you contact your friends just because you need a shoulder to cry on? Are you happy if they achieve a goal or do you feel jealous?

Before thinking “I want this!”, ask yourself what YOU are giving. As I already said, it is fine to seek for help, but it is not ok to want it by any means. If you take the phone just to complain, you are isolating yourself, and you’re doing it all alone. People don’t want further problems in their lives, they want fellows who give them more value.

If you want to be supported, then support yourself first, and be present with your friends. Don’t be annoying, treat them as you wish to be treated. If you notice that people go away from you…ask yourself why. Are they bad people or maybe they responded to your attitude?

I’ve learnt a lot from the situations I lived, and it is useless to give your energy to someone who does not understand their own faults. So if someone you care about takes away all your energies, open the door and let them out.

If someone calls you only to tell what a disaster their life is, open the door and let them out.

If someone craves for attention but gives you a feeling of desperation and sadness, open the door and let them out.

You are not responsible for throwing away other people’s garbage.