How I saved myself from a narcissistic relationship

Saying that you should love yourself before loving someone else is easy, but it is quite difficult to practice it. But this is also the number one rule if you want to be in peace with yourself and other people.

Three months after my most important break-up I met a guy. At that time, I did not want anyone in my life, I was thinking that I had to come back to Austria for my last semester, live for some months with another roomate and in another town, find a temporary routine without all the people and situations to which I was used to. Indeed, that break-up has pushed away a lot of “friends” and completely messed up my life, as I had to go away from a place I called home (not my property). That guy arrived in my life when I was not ready at all for a relationship, and although I did know it, I accepted it.

I was aware of the many signals that showed me he had some trouble with himself, but I decided to go on until I realised I endured too much.

Even though that insane relationship lasted only a couple of months, it left me completely devasted. I felt I was attracted to him like a magnet and deciding not to write him anymore was difficult, but it was the right choice. I started looking for information about relationships, because I wasn’t able to understand why I was so much in pain for a guy I barely knew. I was convinced to be in love with him.

I found videos, books and articles on self-development, communication between women and men, midnfulness…and I started reading them. I acknowledged I wasn’t in love, I welcomed a person because it was nice to have some attention again. It seemed great to have someone who listens to you, someone you can go out with…but this was the problem: someone. Someone is not choosing, someone is anyone who comes into your life. So I started putting myself first, I started choosing myself and rebuilding a healthy relationship with my inner side. This mindfulness journey still goes on now, and I am grateful I began to take care of myself. I took my responsibility of my mistakes, because you cannot know when a (damaged) person comes into your life, but you can decide whether to welcome them or not, it is your responsibility to decide.

The pandemic gave me the time I needed to recover, to think, to be alone with my inner side, and to understand what kind of person I wanted by my side. I thought about the main features of my ideal partner. When I was ready to meet someone, the Universe gave me a person, and I decided to know him step by step. Then, I decided to choose him and he did the same. We chose each other.

I was able to start a healthy relationship with a man who respects and loves me because I respect and love myself first. I asked for nothing less to what I received, and I was determined to understand if that person (now my boyfriend) had the qualities I looked for.

The Universe introduced me a person to improve the healing process I began after my most important break-up, and it allowed it by giving me the worst guy I could ever meet. He was not able to appreciate me because he was broken, and I had his same energy, so we attracted each other. I won’t speak about the nice words and things he said and did to me, but I will say that I had my responsibility to accept the whole bad situation (I am not talking about any kind of violence. This article does not refer to extreme situations). When I started to say NO and put other energy, than the relationship was over, and I began to rise.

Choose yourself to choose better.